stages of life…remembering
narrative blank folded papers stages of life WC Julie 6-2012
0 – 10 .. nature writing reading animals playing outside dad inspiring and drinking with pain psoriasis bursitis learning to cook and sew from mom inspired to read and think by dad fighting with sister skunk chameleons myna bird cats mouse rat
11-20 my best childhood friend died got married creativity inspired with children writing poems to jerry left LA moved to Colorado away from family graduate from high school our dog killed by someone throwing raw meat with strychnine old cat Blacky and Jerry’s dog doberman Melody friendship
21-30 living in Colorado raising children living IN TOWN moving to Iowa huge garden had goats ponies horses, cat dogs gerbils rabbits fish birds 4H Corn Carnival living in small town 900 people 300 children all in one school building
31-40 Iowa kids school moving here to WA making teddy bears for collectors living as artists struggles financially almost losing home help from Judy reading Seth Reality Creation Andy going to Peru as foreign exchange student kids working at YWCA camp at summers Denver in college
Narrative Collage
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Home Free
Home Free
What if …
i was created from a place of …
unconditional love
i was born into a world of
unconditional love
nature and animals
spirits, fairies and more
creator, divinity, source, the universe
all supporting me freely, eagerly, playfully
lovingly
I looked into the mirror and saw
I am perfect as I am
always
i was never broken in need of fixing
I never made a single mistake
I never made a wrong choice
there is no need to be forgiven
there is nothing to forgive
there is
only love endlessly pouring itself out
embracing me
caressing me
inspiring me
to just be
me
when i die
i re emerge into
the pure energy of unconditional love
from whence i was born and came from
it has always been
and will always be
there were no problems
challenges
blocks
keeping me from me
only
the human constructs
i created
the glasses i have been wearing
tearing myself and my world apart
into little pieces
categorizing separating
Oneness
in my mind
i was blind to
true Oneness
I only needed
a Change in Perspective
to set myself free
there is only beauty now
whatever i see
is me
all the Mind Chatter
suddenly ceases to be
Silence emerges
embracing me
guilt judgment fear resentment
all fall away
i am perfect as i am
everyone is
and will forever be
in the Silence of Now
i hear me
i hear love calling my name
i hear
The Voice
inside of me
always there
never ending
guiding me home
into myself
free at last
free
at last
i am home
free
being me
the silence
embracing us all
in love
© Morgine Jurdan
June 15, 2012
my primal earth is
Journey in writing WC Julie 6-2012
my primal life on earth is
the journey itself the experiences and how I was in them not the outstanding memorable moments i believe it is probably the moments in between which seemed so ordinary before I began becoming more aware of them watching the fish in our tank or in the river watching my children breathe or run and play with the dogs the fog settling in at the oceans edge like I heard say one day… a famous painter did not paint the sunlight on the leaves rather he painted the spaces in between and the leaves appeared when focused in between the highlights become less important and the colors in between are richer
the life i created on earth have been miraculous spectaculous amazing i have come to embrace them and trace them with fingers soaked in unconditional love and grace tracing my face upon the canvas of life and how my desire to live as love this precious journey has taken me places other journeys would not have gone has presented me with circumstances to challenge my ways of thinking so I could step outside the boxes in which I was living and see more clearly things as they might be free of normal definitions right wrong good bad beneficial dangerous what if I remove all those values and judgments and let them all go how many layers and layers of thought of painted words wash away, fall into compost on the ground leaving only the naked pristine truth for me to view once and for all seeing what was hidden before inside the hands attempting to control how they live i am surrendering more into the flow of life to the divine spark I am trusting the flow of the river more than ever before adoring me for a change and the life I have lived
my journey is to travel through life as the adventure it was meant to be skinny dipping in rippling water falls playing as the child I am inside going to new places and meeting new people having fun exploring new places, mysterious and inviting. i want to live in the moment, my life as a work of art ever changing and making a great conversation about the new paths i have traveled visiting junk stores and exploring antiques wearing old clothes with new ones, and sitting inside quiet churches contemplating those who built them centuries ago and all who might have sat in their pews playing music in my car camping out under the stars next to a bright warm fire i never tire spending time in nature, walking the ocean’s shores, visiting cultures I have not seen before making those bridges which connect all our hearts into one song making monuments of our lives in which we all swim in the same ocean and eat similar foods and sing songs which unite us all whether we live in the prairie and desert or high in the mountains covered with snow discovery awaits us every day as the sun climbs up over the mountain tops and another juicy adventure awaits
my writing today…. prompt
Wednesday writing WC Julie 6-2012
my writing today is for…..
my writing is from my heart open and free deep and longing for the truth clean clear looking from within and without attempting to just breathe in and breathe out in the now moment free of struggles really in that space where I am free of attempting flowing like a river noticing the nuances of color reflecting on the dew drops on the spider’s web of the reflection in a puddle on the sidewalk or weeds flowering and growing in between each crack in order along the center of the freeway hanging out as if to greet the cars and passerby’s with some unexpected hello and greeting meeting life on its own terms instead of forcing the moment or attempting to capture something with the intention of making something happen flowing and allowing the glow to arise on its own if it does or does not
when i let my writing light come through
i am in the zone just me alone honing my skills up and down the hills of my spine the vines of my writing lining up with some hidden sparks in the dark sitting waiting patiently for me to see them shimmer glimmering for me neatly or chaotically as if stars shooting across the night sky surprising me with their beauty and yet gone in a flash if I don’t dash to catch them in the moment of their arrival they will not survive a trip to the bathroom or fridge the ridge they sink behind is not for me to climb again they send my boquets and i must catch them in a flash dash to the keyboard sword in hand sometimes sticking the tip in the air hoping to catch a few here and there and some days i dare not rest for the feast just keeps being delivered whether I am full or not I must eat until the words have run their course and given me to overflowing in the bounty upon the page the rage of words pure and pristine from the unseen places they grace my life when I choose to give them life
then read some memoir lady whose mother’s journals were blank women who were birds …
my writing for today is for
the place i adore in me which freed me from pain today as i lay backwards in the dentists chair to bear the long humming and screaming of the chisels and lasers tearing off chunks of tarter beneath my gums and i humming with classical music relaxing a little nitric oxide now and then amazing myself at how peaceful I could be me afraid of dentists my entire life yet the regular dentist here causes no pain this assistant offered me novocaine and I tried without it me the woman in fear and yet no tears came i remained calm through the entire hour and a half amazing us all today I write for all those angels and friends who helped me remain sane and relaxed in this amazing moment of my life
when I let the light of my writing come through
i wonder at the miracles of life and how underneath it all the magic lies waiting to be uncovered and discovered by a child at play w hat makes rainbows arch across the sky and birds and bees to fly the caterpillar surrender into the soup of unknown design and out climbs a butterfly and why or why I wonder i ponder with child like amazement at tiny bugs who can carry more than me if they were the size of a tree and a flea who can make one miserable even though it can barely be seen i looked at photos of creatures quite bizarre these tiny microscopic beetles or mites which live in my hair they crawl around up there making it beautiful and clean and give it that shiny sheen I wonder if they survive the shampoo and rinse of if they die each time and new ones are born to adorn my head and just appear amidst the rivers of waterfalls i spray all over the place to erase the soap there are so many things I might never understand and yet their magic lives on and on every day playing around me inspiring me to wonder even more and perhaps adore my journey with greater zest so i don’t forget the rest of my life and how important play is today and every day amazed I am today
Narrative Pages WC Julie 6-2012
Narrative page banks for Julie’s class
0-10 nature writing animals playing outside dad drinking .. pain severe psoriasis inspired me to read i could be president he said mom taught me cooking sewing loving all peoples of different colors and religions fighting sister cat skunk myna bird chameleons mouse rat
11-20 best friend died on operating table creativity inspired writing jerry love poems graduate highschool special relationship between old cat Blacky and Jerry’s doberman Melody dog killed by eating raw meat thrown in yard with strychnine having my own children moving away from san fernando valley CA to Colorado
21-30 living in colorado for the first time ever “in town” very difficult moved into house with two levels had to always go up and down stairs coming in front door and moved to another home later … our choice …because we found out house’s owner had to move back to town as job ended and they were renting another home… had a nice back yard and little garden space moved to Iowa living on 2 acres huge huge garden space lots of animals milking goats ponies, dogs cat gerbils rats birds, fish 4H dogs classes Denver won many awards with her dog who had distemper when she adopted him
31-40 changed to organic gardening and eating … moved to Washington… that was a journey in itself with trailer breaking off in Yellowstone by a cliff and Jeep blowing oil line and other things and keeping 2 birds warm every day during the several days it took to get here… were teddy bear artists making bears designing and making from scratch including clothes, furniture and so on for collectors for almost 10 years supporting our teenage children very creative and loving experience except financial challenges and almost losing home … stopped because of health concerns inhaling teddy bear fabrics and stuffing introduced to Seth by Jane Roberts and reality creation entire perspectives of life changed
41-50 children began working away from home at YWCA camp Andy went to Peru as foreign exchange student for a year learned animal communication to help our two dogs from fighting… Denver’s old dog coming home and meeting Jerry’s new young dog led to animal communication to resolve issue people began calling and I had not told anyone and later led to me taking more classes and becoming animal communicator and communicating with nature grew garden in front yard no fence and deer never ate anything animals teaching me how to live as love
51-63 Jerry stepped away from our relationship we became room mates after making love almost daily for over 30 years Even thought I knew it was somehow a gift i went through my deep night of the soul by journaling which saved my life.. .. very painful and finally saw the gift was not being authentically ourselves either of us confused about my purpose and passion and gathering clarity learning to be happier and more focused on feeling better
……………………..
Narrative in fourths Theme… MOVING
1-23 Living in same home until my parents separated and moved to house a couple minutes walk from my original house I got married … moved to Reseda house when married and then moved to house my Mom moved out of by my original house and just above Jerry’s house…could walk down hill to his Mom’s house my second Mom
24-27 about moved to Colorado to first house and had to go up and down from front door… lived there for a few months until we learned the owner had to move back to town as job ended and was renting another home so we, on our own moved to another house with a nice back yard and basement again to a home “in town” instead of living rurally that was difficult had a tiny garden kids took trip to CA to visit my Mom and Jerry’s Mom and we drove to Salt Lake city for Jerry’s work
30-35 about Moving to Iowa living in motel until we found a house.. found a house in a small town of 900 people with 300 children in one school room growing about half of our food learned to dry freeze can and more and more then job offer came to move to WA sat down with Denver and Andy and discussed everyone’s feelings concerns wishes and such until it was a unanimous decision to move to WA
36 – 63 about moving from Iowa driving Jeep pulling horse trailer with horse and cat and some possessions and Jerry driving moving van pulling trailer an entire book in itself with trailer broke off and park rangers had to cut off tarp and unload our stuff and put into their big truck and took care of our children and animals until we drove hundreds of miles for another uHaul trailer ..keeping the birds warm in the cab of the truck the jeep blowing an oil line in a town with only 9 people and finding the part we needed…
one page autobiography exercise
one page autobiography exercise WC Julie 6-2012
I was born into nature, a water fall sang itself into a little cement pond my father had built by the patio, animals were around, sunshine, a path winding on the hill which ran behind my house over to my father’s studio and my grandmother’s room in the back. I spent much of my time outside in the California sun, the ocean breezes not too far away over the San Diego mountains. Small windy roads barren of side walks woven between small cabin homes planted upon desert hills filled with sage brush, cactus and tumbleweeds. I played games, dug forts, built tree houses with the neighborhood boys in among the scorpions, tarantula spiders, and rattle snakes! We were well schooled in such things, including picking up any shiny pieces of glass we might see before it became the source of a fire burning down our homes. The flaming fingers of the sun magnified upon some dry parched piece of gray greasewood. If anyone saw a flame or smoke they came running with a shovel!
My father authentic, flamboyant, a well known industrial designer and teacher at Art Center College of Design. He inspired me to read and write and told me I could be anything I wanted, even President of the United States because I could learn to do anything in the library. He suffered from severe psoriasis and bursitis and would drink to ease the pain and I have a few painful memories interspersed with the more fond ones. My mother, much more shy and reserved was a great cook and taught me how to bake homemade bread, how to sew clothes and love people of all colors and religions.
My best friend, my childhood sweetheart, closer to me than my own sister, who did not like me very much, died on the operating table when we about about 12, leaving me to be consoled by my rat, a myna bird, my chameleons, a cat and skunk. I hated God for a while not understanding the sudden death of my life long friend who was not even ill. My future husband, slightly older, heard those tears and years later, when I was wheeled out of the delivery room with our second child, a boy, he said, “and his name is Andy” after our childhood friend.
Two years before came Denver our daughter, and me a mother only a year out of high school. We all moved to Colorado when Jerry got a job there and then onto Iowa. We had a huge garden growing a lot of our own foods and were still surrounded by a menagerie of animals including 2 milking goats, 2 ponies, 2 horses, 2 rabbits, dogs, a cat, gerbils, rats, birds and fish. I managed the house and garden and the children all their own animals. We worked hard and created a lot of our own fun in those days.
Eventually we came to rest where we wanted in the Pacific Northwest, bringing only a horse, 2 dogs, a cat and 2 birds along with us in an amazing journey in which a trailer broke behind the moving van in the middle of Yellowstone at the edge of a cliff. We became self employed artists for a while, creating hand made teddy bears from scratch for collectors for almost 10 years. Later some problems with our two dogs, dropped a book about animal communication into my hand which eventually inspired a new profession which also included my passion for writing arising once again. Morgine
writing prompt…. the sun first hits the hills in the morning
write the sun first hits the hills in the morning – WC Julie 6-2012
i love watching the fingers of the sun ever so gently fingering the world awake every day as the world spins around, arching and turning, whirling in space. Fingers of light gently caressing and expressing itself onto the canvas of earth, its golden glow like a river of etherial light flowing across the landscape waking up the world for yet another day of play.
the birds begin to rise and lift their songs upon the air and then the bears come sleepily out of the dens the hens begin clicking and human fingers pull away the covers from their eyes as they take some long deep breaths and stretching fully before getting up and out of bed.
morgine
my life as a work of art – Writing Camp 6-2012
Writing Camp 6-2012
my life as a kind of artwork I am an original unique one of a kind work of art there is only one me here to see and experience no other of course i can wear different personas different people can have different perspectives i can even have and have had different perspectives of myself depending on where I am viewing myself from no one knows me as i do, naked bare skin the truth glowing in the light of day no one sees life through my filters and yet I have often been confused and looking at myself through other people’s lenses before now I often did not recognize and own my own beauty and brilliance i covered my eyes will filters put in place by a society and culture which would have me conform to their acceptable ways of being and fitting in… i would judge myself as distorted, misshapen, not having an acceptable figure until now the truth is revealed pure pristine and perfect more beautiful than words could embrace and trace onto the page
morgine
Being the Body class exercise
Being the Body -Adela 8-1-2011
finishing my writing on Truth and freedom
Truth frees me like nothing else. I breathe into and out of who I am Being. Being in the now, letting everything go, discarding all my points of view like old dirty clothes or perhaps ones no longer in style here and now. I stand in neutral, feeling the air kissing my skin. I hear myself breathing, and feeling my tongue in my mouth as I swallow. I sink in deeper and deeper, as birds sing outside my window, and I feel a hair brush across my face, dust particles lighting up the air, their tiny bodies sparkling. Ah yes, as I inhale the feeling of YES as it arises on its own, without my awareness. That feeling which so slightly and yet strongly reverberates through every cell of my being. My hairs stand taller as if at attention. My breath a little more steady and clear. I hear it, that voice of truth which arises from deep within the deep within. From the void of me, the place where all brilliance lies dormant and waiting for its moment of birth. Truth frees me into the authenticity of here and now and the preciousness I am here to be.
Truth can be clear and joyful and can also make me cry dry and parched tears, fears rising to the surface, red heat rising as I am guided into my next bigger step. I like to pretend I am not my own best answer, yet the truth is always present between the doubts, the pain, the endless angry voices screaming inside and outside of me. “I feel stuck and don’t know what to do!!! “ How many times have I said this phrase to my friends, a coach, a psychic reader? I keep seeking answers only I can give myself!! As Krishnamurti said, “One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.” No room to hide in a room filled with mirrors!
I am a loving person I told myself, “without conditions,” as my partner of 35 years stepped away. Yet I found envy hiding within my cells, fears of abandonment, jealousy, anger raising their little big heads into my life! Truth is personal, authentic and pierces those glass walls I try and hide behind. Yet when I can live in my own Truth, then my authenticity truly glows and who I am radiates out for anyone to see. I become open and vulnerable, willing to release role playing and conforming in exchange for my unique creative spirit, splashing its colors across the sky and into a bight new world. I can laugh, cry, or scream in any moment my own precious Truth, resisting nothing, as I open myself more fully into a world eager for my fuller authentic participation.