Loving Life Through Words

what i notice about my heart beat is ….
what I notice about my breath is …

what i notice about my heart beat is ……that it is often silent in my world  i do not feel it or hear it although I often guide people to listen to their heart and not their minds when connecting with their animal friends  i am most often surprised when I do notice my heart beating, usually while I am meditating or relaxing and suddenly it feels as if my heart is beating my body  i almost tense up worried something is wrong not being familiar with its song so much as my my breath whose voice is clear and getting more clear every day as I take longer and longer conscious breaths throughout my waking hours  i can hear its calling me back into a slower pace and yet my heart beat is also keeping me alive  longing to be felt more and longing to be heard    only when I am fully present, stopping all my doing and my thinking and relaxing even my breath does its song become present again to me and I can feel its beating and vibrating all that i am

“Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”
Using this line   in writing   …..

What is life but love personified in all its’ never ending colors
Love is love is love is love in endless languages and phrases
What is love really and truly and can it be defined or defiled or forgotten
Wound around your finger and made into a gold band
Is it a hand holding out something to be taken by another
For me the essence of life is love without conditions
There are no situations in which it cannot and does not exist
Gibran once wrote “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.” yet how can that be
It is but another view which separates one thing from another
Another definition of positive and negative, right and wrong
Perhaps it is in that field Rumi talked about beyond right and wrong
A place in which love encompasses all feelings and places and leaves traces inside everyone’s heart
Perhaps love IS all there is and it is only our “limited perspective” which blinds us to its truth
Perhaps a tree without its blossoms or fruit is just a different kind of tree, rather than being seen as something lacking
Perhaps when we unwind ourselves from the tightly woven fingers of our stressful existence long enough to take a few deep and full breaths immersed in nature
we can begin to live the truth ourselves
love is the deepest pain  the deepest longing
the widest grief there ever was
love is the tallest mountain, the brightest moon, the awe inspiring sunset
it includes your greatest joy and deepest sorrow
love never runs away and hides
love lives inside each cancer cell
inside the most foul smell
the excrement creating our sewage
love does not wait for a sunny day to parade itself down the street
it meets the pavement wherever the feet may be
whatever their color or lack thereof
the decaying flesh is still vibrant with life as it becomes something else
one day anchoring the seeds of a new forest
nourishing bugs and insects, birds and bees

it never stops being
or seeing itself as less
toxic chemicals  vibrant greens
eating and mixing and creating new things
a tree without blossoms or fruits might be in winter resting
love’s fire lives even inside the deepest snow
hidden where we cannot go
inside a murder’s rage is a page a place calling out
for something which was never lost
always around
waiting to be found again
by those whose eyes always holding out their hands
as if empty
when looking inside
deeply enough
the cup is alway full
and overflowing
if we allow it in
if we open ourselves to receive what is always free
if we embrace all that we are
complete and perfect
here and now
needing nothing
having everything
nothing to build or have or get
in order to deserve
that which inspires all life
all movement and stillness
and everything in between
often never seen
love’s endless parade through our lives
embraced in its womb of creation
permeating all particles
where precious meets precious
beauty is everywhere you look
home is anywhere you are
and love is  love is  love is
love

Take a few moments to look at her favorite photo of the Sequoia’s  – deeply – and then write what you notice being as mindfully descriptive as possible:

the sun’s radiance bursting through the green forest roof brightly lighting the way   shadows moving towards me   the seeming translucence of your back leg or whomever is walking here   seeming to pause a moment for the photo  the patch of bright green grass or other plants in the foreground in nice contrast to the chocolate brown of the ground and pine needles and logs laying around    a couple trees looking as if they are reaching out hugging each other in the background

When I think of my own experiences of beauty and grace, I think….

When I remember my experiences of beauty and grace, I remember…. I will never forgot hugging the olive tree in CA at that 3 day workshop which transformed my life.  We were silent except during class when we asked each other “Who Are You” for hours on end …  during an evening walking meditation I just reached out and hugged this olive tree, with gnarly like bark and branches, leathery like green leaves, so different than most trees I had ever known..  it was an innocent enough moment, loving and being with nature and suddenly “I” disappeared   I was gone  there was no me present  I had become everything   the stars the sky  the earth the trees  there are simply no words to fully express my experience   the teacher looked at me later and asked if I was the first to “pop” as he called it   I had and it was as blissful an experience as I can ever remember having  i would have loved to live inside that space again and again and again   where separation no longer existed and i felt as if i WAS the Universe in totality  ever expanding  ever growing  ever moving  creation endlessly creating

When I think of my own experiences of beauty and grace, I think….

When I remember my experiences of beauty and grace, I remember…. being in ballet class too, except my teacher had a cane and she used it  … i loved watching the grace of professional ballet dancers   i think of grace I remember holding my children newly born in my arms   putting on performances for my parents singing and dancing when I was younger    I remember learning to waltz which I thought was a graceful way to dance

When I think of my own experiences of beauty and grace it takes a while  my mind goes blank   while i love dancing Jerry has never enjoyed it much   I took lessons in waltzing so I could dance with my son at his wedding..  instead of minutes it lasted only seconds and yet it was memorable    when we took lessons together, we watched the next class, which I think was tango and thought it looked fun too!     when I think of grace I remember the times I was in my body, connected to spirit and caring lovingly for my mother in law, knowing the woman before me was not the woman who raised me  gracefully i saw below the surface of the yelling and screaming and hallucinations and frustrations and focused on the clear memories instead  I think of Mother Teresa and the graceful presence she had caring for the sick and elderly     Grace for me can be the way I engage with a client who is losing an animal friend or a family member   Grace can be the way I sometimes engage with my plants or animal friends where real beauty is alive all the time

Catching up with posting writing from prompts for Julie’s Amazing Camp!!! Loving every minute!! Was gone from just after Noon to 9 pm so missed a lot of writing time  … do more tomorrow!!

Writing Camp  …

My writing camp today is at the ocean, warm sand between my toes, interspersed with wet waves dancing and playing with my feet and legs, inviting me to come in further, immerse myself deeper within.  The salty breezes fill my nostrils, cleansing away anything except here and now.  My hair flowing back and fort across my face in rhythm with the water’s invitation.  The breeze is so strong it invites me up and up and up to become a kite flowing brightly, bouncing in the glowing rays of the sun warming my body right through my skin, glowing inside out, outside in, I am spinning around and around in circles, arms out wide feeling embraced by this place, the sun sparking like fireworks across the ocean blue shimmering wet body gently swaying and rocking endlessly along.  I like my body down against the warm sand, its embrace feeling fully loved ….

I was drawn to writing camp ….
i come to camp today to discover myself more deeply   each time i set pencil to paper,  hands to the keyboard, I find more of me   i discover myself  who i am and where i have been or where i am going    i allow myself to slow down enough to be present with the truth instead of getting lost in my story of how my day went and what i did and did not get done for that is only the story i tell  deep inside is the life I am living between the moments I am not always conscious  for if i were as conscious of my moments as I am about the ocean’s waves and the warm sand, I would be living my life instead of having it seem to live me  i would be free of any past or future, too alive in the present to care about anything else, but this self and the experience i am having   fully present using all my senses to savor the richness and delight life can bring when i am actually present for it  honoring my feelings as i begin a new adventure of honoring my body and spirit to dance in a new way beginning today

When I sit at the campfire, I see…    never ending waves flowing in caressing my soul   sand and sea,  sand and brush speckled here and their with bright colored little flowers   people of all colors and faces and traces of stress erased and washed away by the grace the ocean gives to us all who bathe in her glorious beauty and love ….

When I sit at the campfire, I smell…   the ocean air miles before I arrive, floating through the surrounding mountains and canyons borne in by the fog rolling over the hills like cotton smoothed and lacy, full and ripe with wetness   me hungry for the salt air to pierce my soul and erase any trace of yesterday cleansing me and bringing me home again

When I sit at the campfire, I feel….  the warm sun bathing my skin with its nourishing light,  the sand warming my feet, caressing each sole and skin, gently holding and then letting go as I walk ….  contrasted with the cold wet sand dancing with the waves, cool salty water embracing each of my toes as I giggle and walk in even deeper in order to feel the tug of the water as it drags itself back out, gathering foam to form yet another wave and race in to greet me again

When I sit at the campfire, I hear…. the endless roar of the oceans waves calling me to dive deeper into myself again and again and again  I hear the gulls squabble among themselves,  children dancing and running through the water, a dog barking in the background, even a truck pulling a big fishing boat out of the water

I come to camp today to discover…..  what has lied buried for years and decades underneath my pain and sorrow and regret    to find what was hidden underneath my excuses    my  procrastination and sabotaging  myself forever and ever    attempts to hide my brilliance  attempts to keep playing small    i could write my theories here and any story would be acceptable   in reality i do not know for sure   I know the society i have been raised in has taught women  their place was in the home   then we went to work and were told we were not as strong or smart as men    today that game still continues    men goggle over the women in magazines whose bodies are rarely real   airbrushed to perfection   women attempt to create these impossible bodies and nearly kill themselves along the way with endless diets and pills, program, punishing journeys which seem to have no end in sight  … there is little out there to support me in Being a Female Woman in a Beautiful Unique Body all my own… very little to tell me I can be or do anything i want.. although my father used to tell me that many times ….  nothing surrounding me in society encouraged that   I was not encouraged to own my beauty, my brilliance, or follow my passion for writing   there is no money there so go where money lives in a real job   doing real work  heaven forbid i made teddy bears and stuffed animals for adults and collectors  that was even worse maybe than writing!!  and my writing now is too way out to share with many people, especially my family   they would think I am even more crazy

I am here to FINALLY leave all that behind    grow expand and live into my Brilliance  to share my gifts  to step outside all the old boxes   out of the closet   out of the chains that have bound me for endless decades to old patterns of thinking  to old habits   old beliefs

I am here to BREAK FREE of all that old stuff and finally begin to BE ME  ME ME ME ME!!!
……………….
when i touch this treasure of this earth …. i feel connected to all of life everywhere for it breathes the essence of beauty and god into me and  we exchange air as I breathe back into its smiling pink fuchsia faces    I notice the leaves, each one growing in its time for the next and grow on top in perfect symmetry  no leaf attempting to push forward ahead of the other, each one patiently waiting its turn  I know this piece of earth calls me home into my childhood and spontaneous behaviors  creative filled moments  spending time in nature immersed in play  feeling loved  giving love   sharing our joy and happiness and adding more and more glow into the world and the universe beyond
…………
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if   ……. everything we ate nourished our bodies, so we could throw away all the books and charts and diets and no more counting calories or dieting. It would be so wonderful how we could be ourselves, living authentic lives skipping down the hall at work.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we only did what we wanted to do every with smiles on our faces, holding hands, loving each other fully, celebrating our differences, inspiring each other, calling forth our brilliance!! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all my children for decades to come and their children and their children could still hug the ancient trees, feel their rugged bark, gaze up to heaven through their branches and wonder what happened when they were but tiny seeds in the ground like them?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if magic was all that is here.  That with the blink of an eye I could heal myself, visit my son, or have a delicious meal appear on my table.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful living in a Harry Potter world where my wand gave me so many things I dream of happening.
…………………..
Monday 7-26-2010
the waves of the sea helped me get back to me
what things help “me” get back to me

1 going to the ocean
2 walking in nature
3 meditating in a quiet place
4 breathing deeply for a few minutes
5 Singing songs I love to sing
6  taking photos of my children
7  writing when i am in the zone
8  dancing really engrossed in being the music
9  being with a beloved animal friends
10 playing with my grandchildren
11 eating a really delicious meal

I love going to the ocean.  I feel at home there walking in the waves, laying on the warm sand. I feel like I have come home from anywhere.  Like I was born there, or used to live by the sea. Even as a child it was my favorite place to go. Better even than Disneyland. I love the ocean.

I love taking walks in nature, watching the sun and shadows flickering around me, hearing birds singing, watching them fly, bug shining in the sunlight, water flowing in a stream.
(door opening exercises  … just a start and from this list glean all kinds of things that bring you back to yourself… making a list and creating an awareness of this)

I love breathing deeply because i become aware of my body where I am, in the moment. I feel fully connected here and now. I go write into appreciation of my body and my life and gratitude brings me back into me.

personify them  going to the ocean thank you for …. write it a letter

dear ocean,

thank you for bringing me back to me.  thank you for reminding me how valuable it is to be here now living in this moment    it is so easy to be present embraced by your beauty filling all my senses  i am so at home  i am grateful for my attention is focused so much on  you  i feel the breeze and the sun upon my body  i feel the warm sand or the cold water caressing my feet  i hear the gulls calling or a dog barking  I hear and feel the endless waves as they bring my own body’s water into balance with your rhythms  i look for shells bits of glass smoothed by your endless embraces, sharp edges worn down   perhaps you also smooth my hard and harsh edges too  reminding me of where i belong and where life happens  I thank you for so nurturing my souls longing to be home amidst the freshness you offer, uncluttered by long to do lists, email, work on the computer, endless chatter of projects and people pulling me away from today, here and now..  i am sure when i pass on, my regrets will mostly be focused on not spending enough time with you my beloved friend, somehow talking myself into believing …. making attempts to earn more money, improve myself, be more successful, lose weight and so on, were somehow more important than savoring the magic I already helped to create and manifest here right now with you.  I can even “feel” you here in the room with me, caressing and calling my name …

dear nature,

endless gratitude for surrounding my life wherever I am   when i take time to breathe and connect with you, my world always transforms    time  slows down   gratitude rises and rises endlessly growing and flowing as I savor more deeply the riches and magic I have co created   flowers and boughs of green covered branches   shiny leaves interspersed with dull flat gray and green mosses    frilly green ferns handing down and flowing gracefully in the breeze    i am here now forgetting how I came to be here   surrounded by your love  overflowing my cup and ever cell of my body  i can feel you permeating my being and freeing me up from the ravages of my busy day   spending time away from you, beloved friend, to mend my life back together   you see i pretend I am broken and in need of repair tear apart my past and old stories i used to tell falling into the well of debris and it seems endless   you bring me right back up and fill my cup  because i am so thirsty for the truth of my perfection and wholeness here right now in this moment   nothing to be or do or have   I am “IT” right here right now!!  Oh to remember your love, your refreshing truth could save me from wasting my days worried about getting so many things “done” on my long endless list   while more bliss can be found in one moment wrapped in the wonder and delight of your loving embrace    endless dancing gratitude for setting me free again and again and again

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.”

What a beautiful day today has been, from the beginning, cool and fragrant with blossoming flowers, birds singing, hopeful thoughts, prayers and gratitude for friendships.

Last night I was alone and walked outside to turn off some lights outside by my bedroom Jerry had left on.  The night air was still hot and thick, even though the sun had set. The lights were outside his trailer/shop pointing at the house, brightly shining from each top corner of this end. Turns out later he did not even know they were on as the doors were open when he was working there during the day, and they hid them. I stepped up into the trailer and it felt as if my right knee had exploded inside and rubber bands were breaking!  Blazing rods of fiery pain shot through my knee and down my leg and I fell forward, holding onto some machinery and screaming, tears running down my cheek until I could finally stop and breathe and analyze my situation.

I called Jerry, having carried the phone out, and there was no answer.  I called Marcia who he was with and no answer.  I did not know how I could climb down and get back into the house, since I could no longer put any weight on my right leg.  I decided I could stay there in the incredible heat and later the bugs and no place to sit or I could just step down and deal with it, which I did!  Again I fell forward onto the plywood Jerry had made into a table, crying yet again and calling. No answer.  I then saw some 2 x 4’s screwed together in a V sitting by the side with one screw coming out the top.  I grabbed it and used it to get back into the house. It took me about 20 minutes or so. Putting all my force onto the boards, hands around the one screw, I was able to hobble in.  I got some ice packs and hobbled to the couch to cool my knee.  The pain continued whenever I moved my knee.  Eventually my kidneys began to complain and i had to hobble into the bathroom and back out again, another long journey.

In the end, I laid on the couch and managed to pull my leg up and had some water nearby and the phone.  I lay there a bit frustrated and yet totally grateful for being able to lay down, ice my knee and be inside. We have no air conditioner, however it was much cooler and there were no biting bugs .  I had also called a couple healing friends and they were not home, so I assumed it was all perfect. I kept breathing and going back into a peaceful place.

Long story short I called Jerry one last time, assuming he and Marcia were asleep. I was going to leave a message this time to come home in the morning and take me to the hospital.  He called back totally confused at seeing 5 messages! He was wearing his phone and Marcia had hers. They were watching a movie and neither of them heard any rings! Anyway, he drove right home and arrived at midnight.  I was exhausted and still throbbing and he was tired, so we decided to go in the morning.

I did not sleep well and kept praying and sending healing energy to my leg.  I am SO GRATEFUL that this morning the people at the hospital were kind and friendly.  They took good care of me and told me the Xray did not show any major damage and it is probably just a bad sprain. Recommended ice and gave me some crutches!! Oh my God I did not think I would ever LOVE crutches and walking is so MUCH easier with them~~

I am so thank for this perfect beautiful normal day in which my prayers were answered.  My knee I know is healing and I am appreciating the coolness setting in after a hot day.  I hear the birds singing outside my window. One of my grandsons called out of the blue and we had a wonderful conversation for 20 minutes or so.  I am healthy in most other ways, normal blood pressure, no illness, no cancer, no great challenges. I can still write here for a few moments before I go back to raising my leg and icing it again.  My flowers are doing well and I could water them for a few minutes.  I called my naturopath and left a message and I know he will fit me in tomorrow. Jerry is flying to a job Tuesday so I know it will all happen with perfect timing

Grateful for being able to see all this beauty in the world with my magical vision. I can heart the birds, the water flowing, the cars driving by, Jerry watching a movie on the other side of my wall, my dog laying at my feet. I can feel the air, the keyboard, my body, my breathing, and yes even the pain now and then. I can FEEL, how incredible!!  I can walk and eat and do all the amazing things our bodies do which we often are not aware of so distinctly.  I am grateful I KNOW my body knows how to heal itself when I give it space and allow it to perform its magic yet again!!

What a special day, and I am grateful to be living it once again….

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are ….  even as I get distracted with my spider bites, hot and itching, putting on a clay compress yet again ….even as I want to write more and be committed to my writing today …  normal day I give in and notice the weather outside is just about PERFECT….  slightly warm, little overcast, gentle breezes …so RARE here of late and it is calling me out to plant my new plants to give them a good start on this perfect day … a few moments away from my keyboard and  out into the sunshine….

when I touch this earth

when i touch this treasure of this earth i feel connected to all of life everywhere for it breathes the essence of beauty and god into me and  we exchange air as I breathe back into its smiling pink fuscia faces  I notice the leave, each one growing in its time for the next and grow on tope in perfect symmetry  no leaf attempting to push forward ahead of the other, each one patiently waiting its turn  I know this piece of earth calls me home into my childhood and spontaneous behaviors  creative filled moments  spending time in nature immersed in play  feeling loved  giving love sharing our joy and happiness and adding more and more glow into the world and the universe beyond

I am passionate about Communicating With Love in everything I say and do!  Writing is a great Passion as I sacredly embrace my readers with a tapestry of grace, painting my soul’s letters across the page.  May each Magical letter be an opening to your own heart, and recognizing the Divine in your own face.  Morgine